DV and the Cycle of Violence
by Kelly Glenn
One of the reasons domestic violence is challenging to leave or disrupt is that it occurs in a cycle, and depending upon where a victim and abuser are in that cycle, it can be difficult to even recognize that the relationship is abusive.
The DV Cycle of Violence occurs in three major phases: tension building, physical abuse, and denial and apology. In each phase, the abuser displays phase-specific behaviors, and the victim displays phase-specific responses to those behaviors.
Let’s take a look at each phase in more detail:
PHASE ONE: Tension Building
In this phase, there is increased tension, anger, and blaming from the abuser toward the victim. The abuser may be moody or critical. He or she might isolate in this phase and withdraw affection, or they may abuse substances, destroy property, and demean the victim. They are easily annoyed and can lose their patience.
In response, the victim attempts to “fix” whatever they think the problem is, and often, the abuser, though emotional abuse, has convinced the victim that the victim is the problem. He or she might attempt to placate the abuser by keeping the children quiet, cleaning excessively, or cooking the abuser his or her favorite meal. They will often isolate from family and friends and focus their attention on nurturing the abuser to prevent the next phase.
PHASE TWO: Physical Abuse
In this phase of the DV Cycle of Abuse, the abuser will exert his or her power and control over a victim using violence. Methods include battering, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangulation, use of objects as weapons, and sexual abuse accompanied by verbal attacks and often, some form of imprisonment during which the victim does not feel as if he or she can escape.
Responses to this behavior by the victim can vary depending upon the dynamics of the relationship, such as how long this has been happening, how much outside support the victim has, or how dependent the victim is on the abuser. Some victims might call the police or seek medical attention. Others may hide their injuries or refuse to cooperate with law enforcement when a neighbor calls. Some victims try to reason with the abuser while others might fight back.
Once the explosion of physical violence is over, the abuser often moves into the third phase.
PHASE THREE: Denial and Apology
During the “final” phase, also known as the Honeymoon Phase, the abuser may react in a number of ways, depending upon the individual. He or she may feel guilt or remorse. They might apologize, give gifts, and otherwise soothe the victim through loving acts. Some abusers might make excuses, such as stress at work, addiction to substances, or mental health issues. The abuser may beg for forgiveness, promise it will never happen again, enlist family or friends to convince the victim to stay, or even threaten suicide if the victim leaves.
In response, the victim may feel hopeful and agree to stay or attend counseling with the abuser. She or he might make excuses for the abuser to friends and family who express concern. They may even ignore resources or opt not to cooperate with an active domestic violence investigation or prosecution of the abuser.
Regardless of the abuser’s behavior and the victim’s response, the cycle of violence is destined to repeat itself. Without successful intervention, which varies depending upon the abuser, the victim, and the dynamics of their relationship, the cycle will not only repeat itself but will become increasingly unhealthy and dangerous – even lethal in some circumstances.
If you think you or someone you know is in a domestic violence relationship, click here to find resources in your area. Most resources are free and confidential, and remember: You deserve to be happy and hopeful in “the whole” of your relationship…not just during one phase.
Suggested Citation for this Article
Glenn, K.M., Criminal Justice Know How, LLC, October 2020, DV and the Cycle of Violence, https://criminaljusticeknowhow.com/dv-and-the-cycle-of-violence/.
