Domestic Violence – An Everyone Issue

by Kelly M. Glenn

Often, when we hear people talk about domestic violence, read media articles about domestic violence cases, or watch tv shows and movies that have a domestic violence storyline, we see women portrayed as domestic violence victims and men portrayed as domestic violence abusers. This is because statistically speaking, women are more likely to be victims while men are more likely to be abusers; however, this is not always the case…not even close!

Both men and women can be and are victims are domestic violence and both men and women can be and are abusers.

Domestic violence stems from a number of issues that impact both men and women: history of abuse as a child, poor coping skills, jealousy, need for power and control, etc. Therefore, both men and women can be susceptible to becoming victims or abusers.

In many cases, regardless of gender, victims may attempt to hide the abuse they are experiencing. Here are a few reasons why:

• They may feel embarrassed that they cannot solve the problem on their own, especially if they are typically looked upon as someone who “has it together.”
• They may feel judged by those who know about a history of abuse if those people made recommendations in the past that the victim did not follow.
• They may not be ready to make a change, such as breaking up, moving out, getting a divorce, or fighting for custody of children in common. This could be for financial reasons, emotional reasons, or even for fear of disappointing others.
• They may not trust anyone close to the situation, especially if the abuser is overly familiar with the victim’s friends and/or family members.
• They may not trust the criminal justice system, especially if they have had a negative experience with the system in the past or if the abuser can report the victim for committing a crime, like shoplifting or drug use.
• They may be scared of the abuser or feel that the abuser is going to change. The cycle of violence often keeps victims in this revolving frame of mind.
• Finally, they may not view what they are experiencing as abuse. Some victims are very conditioned to even the most violent forms of abuse, especially if they grew up in homes in which acts of violence were the norm.

The good news is that for the purposes of being a good support person to someone who is or has experienced domestic violence, the reasons behind their silence or hesitations to get help aren’t relevant. You can make a huge difference just by assuring them that you won’t judge them and by referring them to one of many organizations that exist to assist victims.

Domestic violence shelters provide services to victims who live on-site, as well as those who choose to remain with their abusers or who choose to leave their abusers but not move into a shelter. They also provide services regardless of a victim’s willingness to participate in the criminal justice system. For a list of domestic violence shelters by state, visit domesticshelters.org.

Suggested Citation for this Article

Glenn, K.M., Criminal Justice Know How, LLC, October 2020, Domestic Violence: An Everyone Issue. https://criminaljusticeknowhow.com/domestic-violence-an-everyone-issue/.